Got a Late ADHD Diagnosis? Here's Why All Your Feels Are Justified

Hey there, my lovely weirdossss. Today, we're diving into a topic that hits close to home for me: the rollercoaster of allllllllllll the emotions when you receive a later-in-life ADHD diagnosis. I’ll tell you a bit of my story, and then I want to talk about why all of your feels are completely justified. Let's ride those emotional tides together, my dear ones.

What in the Actual Fuck? The Diagnosis

Those of you who’ve been following me for a while know I have been coaching women in business with anxiety for several years now. 

I, myself, had lived for a long time with a GAD (general anxiety disorder) diagnosis, and had done everything I could to help badass bitches like you use our anxiety as a superpower and still crush it in business.

But, I still felt like things were not quite lining up in my brain—from accomplishing day-to-day tasks to feeling like I just couldn’t do things other people could do, seemingly easily.

Enter my later-in-life ADHD diagnosis.

Just like any of you who have had the same experience, it’s an immediate rush of all the feels—hope, relief, curiosity, and also anger, grief, and overwhelm–plus a dash of, "Wait, is this some kind of cosmic joke?"

As I’ve gained more and more of my own tools and knowledge, now my community revolves around highly intelligent women entrepreneurs with ADHD. It’s a lot of the same crowd, because we neurospicy women just get each other, but with a newer emphasis on ADHD.

And the purpose of this blog today is to affirm those who have received a late ADHD diagnosis that whatever you’re feeling is valid. And it’s totally normal and okay if it’s a decent combination of good and bad feels. Let’s dive in.

Relief: It's Not Just Me!

As the initial shock settles, you start to ride a different kind of wave – one made of relief. You realize that you're not alone, that there are others out there riding the same waves of impulsivity, hyperactivity, and distraction. Suddenly, you're part of a tribe – a community navigating the same ADHD ocean.

Before your diagnosis, you likely felt shame over your inability to accomplish certain tasks like neurotypical people do—I sure did. 

You’re thinking, “Why do I lose things so often?” “Why do I start things all the time and fail to finish them?” “Why do I get so hyperfocused—and often hyperfocused on the wrong thing?”

ADHD suddenly explains all of these things! CELLLLEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON! There was nothing wrong with you! You just have a neurodiverse brain. 

Just the fact that there is a reason why you’ve felt this way for so long makes you feel relief. And, it’s also a relief to know that there are probably going to be some solutions opened up to you. Which leads to the next emotion….

Hope: Finding Your Flow State

For the first time in a long time, you’re probably feeling hopeful. I mean, there is a lot of stuff to sort out first, BUT now that you have some solid answers, there is hope of new solutions. Medications, coping skills, education—even the prospect of these things brings hope.

And here’s the other beautiful unicorn that brings hope. As you navigate the ups and downs of life post-diagnosis, you'll eventually find your way to Acceptance. It's a place where you embrace your unique brain wiring and ride the waves of ADHD with a sense of calm. 

You might be feeling hope that you’ll learn to work with your brain's quirks, celebrating the highs and gracefully navigating the lows. Now that you have the correct diagnosis, all of this is totally possible.

Curiosity: What Have I Been Experiencing + Teach Me Everything!

Okay, so now you're armed with this new label – Adult ADHD. Suddenly, memories of endless unfinished projects and those, "Oh no, I totally spaced out" moments start to make sense. 

But with this information comes a new curiosity—and hello, hyperfocus—on learning everything you can, right this second, about ADHD. There is so much to learn, and so many resources. As you learn, more and more parts of what you thought was just your personality will start to MAKE SENSE!

Can I just say—friend to friend—be gentle with yourself. This is a lot to take in all at once. And as I always say, allow yourself have a sense of effing humor about it! If you can’t laugh about it, you’ll just cry about it, amiright?

Speaking of crying about it, let’s dive into some of those darker emotions too.

Anger: What Could Have Been?

Ah, the "what ifs" and "could haves." They can hit you harder than a rogue wave, making you question the path you've traveled so far. You might find yourself thinking, "If only I had known earlier, I could have achieved so much more!" You might be ruminating on the personal fallout you could have avoided if you’d known and been able to treat it earlier. This one’s a biggie for me.

But, it’s not just the “what ifs” causing you to feel fucking PISSED! 

It’s also:

• feeling dismissed by providers or misdiagnosed your whole damn life 
• the gender biases that played into that misdiagnosis—don’t even get me started 
• wondering why you weren’t supported earlier in life while there were resources and treatments that could have helped you
• dealing with the current stereotypes of what ADHD looks like versus how it actually presents in girls/women

It’s shitty and unfair. Plenty of reasons to be angry.

Grief: Grieving What Could Have Been

A lot of times we think of grief as mourning the loss of someone or something. But what about grieving something that never was?

This absolutely happens with a later-in-life ADHD diagnosis. You’re grieving lost time—decades that went by without understanding the real reasons for your struggles. You’re also grieving lost opportunities. Whether it’s education opportunities, work, or relationships, you might be grieving things that could have been different if you’d gotten a diagnosis earlier in life. 

Here’s another effed up thing to grieve—maybe you’ve developed coping mechanisms that defined your sense of self over the years, traits both good and bad. To realize things you do that you thought were just quirks of your personality are actually basically side effects of ADHD is so freaking weird. 

On one hand—hope, right? Like now you have a new lease on life because you aren’t actually a worthless pile of poo (to be clear, you definitely never were, but let’s face it, somedays you felt like it!) But on the other hand, hey! I kinda liked that I was quirky in that way.

Overwhelm: Oh, Dear God, What Now??

All of these oscillating emotions are enough to stir up that overwhelm. But also, what the eff do you do now?

To start, [okay it’s making so much more sense now] but just seeing the doctor, getting an appropriate prescription, getting that prescription filled, bringing it home, remembering to take it everyday, and dialing in the right dosage is incredibly overwhelming. It can even feel impossible.

Not to mention, you’re digesting a ton of new information, reliving your whole gd life through a new lens, and rethinking your whole future based on this new lens. This is where I remind you again to be kind to yourself.

You’re not alone. And that’s the main reason I’m so passionate about spreading the word about adult ADHD and helping women in business with ADHD. All of these emotions are completely normal, and then some. Allow yourself to feel the feelings, and when you’re ready, maybe it’s time to get into community with some other spicy-brained ladies like you!

Find our little neurodiversity + business corner of the internet on IG at @karrieoutloud for all the education (and memes—it’s okay if you’re there just for the memes) and check out my hybrid mentorship/coaching called The Leap if you’re ready to level up your life and biz with a coach that actually gets you.