Finding Your Zen | How to Put Yourself First

Do you sometimes hear a tiny voice in your head asking if you've done enough, been a good enough friend, mentor, lover, mother, sister, leader, andandand? 

Sometimes these intrusive thoughts make us go waaaaaaaay overboard. We give 110% to everything we do. That may mean accepting every invitation, volunteering for extra jobs, and agreeing to plan a party when you already have a jam-packed weekend. If only there were two of you! Or three! Then you'd never disappoint anyone, and everything would be perfect. 

Unfortunately, you've only got one of you. That's why it's so important to take care of number one. Today's article is all about finding your zen and learning to put yourself first. It's a bit like putting on your own oxygen mask first if the plane goes down. You can't help anyone else if YOU can't breathe.

Work on Being Present

How often are any of us 100% present and in the moment? When you're on a date with your partner, attending a concert, or just having dinner at home with your family, how often do your thoughts wander to something completely unrelated? 

You're worried about something at work, thinking about a recent news story, or mentally planning the upcoming week. Before you know it, dinner is over, and you can barely remember what you talked about. 

Human connection is a crucial part of finding your zen and putting yourself first. The key is showing up. I don't mean simply showing up for someone. I mean SHOWING UP. 

When you're with someone you love (maybe your spouse, your child, or your friend), try your best to focus on the present moment. That means really listening and focusing on what's happening right in front of you. What are you seeing, feeling and hearing? When you feel your mind drifting, actively steer your focus back to one of those three things to bring you back into the room (and your body). Practice makes progress.

Set Personal Boundaries

I've said it before, and I'll say it again— It's OK to say no!

Establish office hours.<--------for the love of all that is holy, please do this ayyyyysap. Like now. Don't answer work calls or respond to work-related emails past a certain time. 

As a business owner, it takes a lot of work to separate your work life from your home life. Especially when your work is inside of your home life. However, your personal life suffers when you fail to draw a clear line in the sand. There's a danger in being TOO available. If you never say no, people will think it's okay to ask too much of you, and you'll get burnt out. When people want to 'pick your brain', they want advice for free. This may sound harsh but you aren't a non-profit business. You get to set boundaries on brain picking.

This applies to your personal life as well. Create boundaries with your friends and family so you can put yourself first when it counts.

Prioritize your Health

I CANNOT SCREAM THIS ONE LOUDLY ENOUGH FROM THE ROOFTOPS. Yes. I am yelling.

Listen, I know that it is challenging to be there for the people you care about (physically and mentally) if you ignore your own health. So be kind to your body!

Too often, women in business sacrifice too much (including their physical + mental health). 

Prioritizing your health benefits everyone around you. 

Schedule that check-up, ask for the therapist, book the dreaded pap smear, and brave the yearly mammogram. You can't take care of others if you aren't cared for too. I personally just checked all yearly items off of the list and now I feel LESS anxious knowing my health is in good shape all around.

Use the Good China

Light the pretty candle you've been saving, open the expensive wine on a Tuesday night, and use the good china even if you're just plating take-out. 

Life is too short not to enjoy the nice things. We all have stuff we're subconsciously saving for a special occasion. That's no way to live. Treat yourself! You deserve it.

ps...Life is to be celebrated. Here, we celebrate loudly and often. Whether it is a birthday or a random Tuesday night and you just booked another dream client, use the good things and stop moving goalposts on yourself. 

Keep Track of What Makes You Happy

Along those lines, take note of what makes you happy throughout the day. It could be giving advice to a friend, waking up early enough to actually enjoy your breakfast, or painting your nails a funky color. 

Tracking your happiness is a powerful tool. Keeping some form of a journal is a great way to zero in on positive behaviors and productive habits. This is the power of gratitude. Need a few new journal prompts? I did the hard work for you and put them all in one place right here!

Set Aside 30 Minutes for Fun

Every day, block out a chunk of time to do something that brings you joy — even if you can only manage 30 minutes. You could read a book, watch your favorite TV show, explore a new hobby, or just relax with a glass of wine in a comfy chair. Shit...turn the music on and dance your ass off too!  Whatever works, my lovely.

It doesn't matter what you do, as long as it's something you enjoy. It's a great excuse to spend more time with your loved ones as well! An after-dinner walk to the park or a heated round of Mario Kart with your kids could be just what the doctor ordered.

Ask for Help When You Need It

It's okay to ask for help when you need it. Scratch that— it's absolutely essential to ask for help when you need it. <<<<<<<< I cannot accentuate this one enough.

If you're hesitant to ask for help because you don't want to be a burden, I'm here to tell you— you aren't! You do so much for the people you care about. If someone asked you for help, wouldn't you be happy to help them? People love helping people. 

You can't do everything on your own. When you're swamped with work, ask your partner to take care of the laundry this week. Have a friend pick up your kids from school so you can schedule that doctor's appointment. It takes a trusted sisterhood, Lady Squad.

Find Your Community

Putting yourself first is a lot easier if you have a supportive community to lift you up and keep you grounded. Women Out Loud is a safe space for female entrepreneurs who know the value of having a supportive network of like-minded, powerful women in business who (like you) are doing their best to thrive, anxiety be damned. Our community is also over on Mighty Networks (like Facebook, but better)! If you want to get a little taste of what we're all about, you can join us there on a free trial for 2 weeks!

When you're a part of the WOL sisterhood, you're unstoppable!